Sunday February 21

My writing teacher was the cover story in the NY Post on Sunday! Her book comes out on March 2, and both followers of my blog (hi Robin and Steve) should find it an interesting, informative read.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/queen_of_pain_my_life_as_midtown_lfUImSo46RW3gHzsukKXSI

Saturday December 5

I have two stories published in various online journals!  One is called Jubilee and is in Gold Dust Magazine.  It’s a funny story about my dad, and is on page 32.

The other one is in The Battered Suitcase and is called The Welsh Chair

I have to warn you, it’s quite sad though.

Also in Gold Dust is a feature I wrote about memoir, called Famous for Fifteen Chapters

(It’s on page 28)

Wednesday November 11

Went to see Tracy Morgan, of 30 Rock fame, at Carnegie Hall on Friday night.  It started well as his support act, a woman whose name I can’t remember, was very good.  Tracy, unfortunately, was not.  I was so surprised as he seems really funny on TV.  I guess he’s a better comic actor than he is a stand-up.  I lasted about an hour, in which I learned that he likes ‘butt sex’.  A lot.  In fact every single joke was about it.  It was the reason that I couldn’t leave because I didn’t want anyone to think I had some intrinsic objection to his material, like I was offended by the subject matter or all the swears.  So I just had to sit there in silence, praying for him to move onto something else.  He did eventually change the subject, to porn and masturbation.  And then back to butt sex.  Sigh.  We eventually slipped out while he was ranting about how music was much better in his day (which is just such a lame, old man thing to say anyway). I wasn’t really in the mood for unfunny comedy in any case as I’d attended a very depressing writers seminar the day before (organized by Backspace).  Basically I paid $250 for a bunch of literary agents to tell me and about 100 other aspiring authors that we were pathetic scumbags who were never going to amount to anything, while they chatted to each other, spoke in jargon and answered most of the questions with variations of ‘I don’t have to justify anything to you.  If you don’t like it, there are hundreds of other deluded idiots out there.’  It was a horrible, dispiriting experience.  Not to mention a rip-off. 

On the plus side, my Kindle 2 is still amazing, and I have read many, many trashy novels on it so far – Penny Vincenzi at the moment.

Friday October 30

Back from vacation now, refreshed and looking forward to Steve going back to work so I can have some time to myself.  I spent the last evening going through the guest comment books that they have in the rooms.  I love these.  They’re full of the most unintentionally hilarious stuff.  I found one that made me really worry though.  It reminded me of my mum’s plans to sell her house and “live off the money.  Really enjoy myself in my old age.”  I’m already saving up for the retirement home fees my sister and I will no doubt have to find:

 June 12-14, 2004

Kids are all on their own, sold the house and have just been traveling for the last 8 weeks or so.  Did the “casino tour” – Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun in Conn., Altantic City, Vegas, Tahoe and Loughlin, Nevada.  Stayed in extended stay suites in Portsmouth and Boston.  And then, here!  How wonderful and cozy, feels like a private getaway.  A blazing fire in June!  (Leave the windows and screen door open).  Food was superb and the staff cordial. We’ll be sure to return!

Carl and Mitzi Bonnacci

Formerly of Spittle County, FL.  Now “Nomad’s from Nowhere doing Nothing!”

Enjoy!

I wonder what they’re doing now.  Probably living in their daughter’s spare room (I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming their kids are grown up), ruing their feckless ways and having to be physically restrained from going to the local casino to win everything back.  You can tell they’re ‘caution to the winds’ type of people by the detail about the fire.  I won’t be showing this one to Mum.  She’s never expressed an interest in gambling, but you never know.  It doesn’t do to encourage this sort of thing.

Some of the other entries were good value too.  Lots of people referring you back to their previous scribbling, in case you were following their lives for some reason. (I admit, I was enthralled so did look back at a few of them).  I particularly enjoyed a long and florid entry from ‘Sallie from Maine’ who was honeymooning at the B&B a few years ago.  She talked about “the lingering pink and blue sunset” and “the ice frosted trees,” and added a few felt pen illustrations for good measure.  Afterwards there were a terse few sentences from her husband along the lines of “my wife is the best.  She is my soul mate,” obviously written under duress.  Lots of people tried to sound sophisticated.  My personal favorite of these entries was, “I have stayed in many, many 5 star hotels in my time, but this Inn is superlative in every way…the fireplace and Jacuzzi were luxuries we utilized much.”

Now I feel guilty for making fun of people.  Damn my catholic upbringing.

Friday October 23

In New Hampshire now, staying at another B&B.  I chose the hotels for the trip and for some reason booked all B&Bs.  I now have Chintz fatigue.  I banged my head on the sloping ceiling in our charming room so hard that it knocked me onto the floor and I burst into tears.  Steve wasn’t very sympathetic (we’re at the bickering stage of the vacation).  He reminded me that when he hit his head on a beam in the dining room earlier I barely looked at him and continued to talk to the chef about my food allergies.  I did point out that he didn’t fall on the floor dramatically like I did, so he only had himself to blame.  Also the light in the room is annoying me, as is the antique squeaky furniture and the quaint custom of room keys being optional.  (Inkeepers always say that the people staying are like ‘friends, not paying guests’ which is just stupid.  I don’t know them.  They could be criminals or knicker-sniffers for all I know.)  At least this place has separate settings for breakfast.  In New York state they have this awful habit of having ‘family style’ breakfasts, meaning you sit at a big table with a bunch of strangers having your pancakes and wishing you were still in bed.  We always vow not to do it, but so far it’s happened a couple of times.  The first time we were sat opposite the couple in the room next to us, who’d kept us awake with their bedroom antics the night before.  (When the guy passed the maple syrup, all I could think about was whether he’d washed his hands or not.)  The second time everyone else knew each other and they’d start really interesting conversations like, “So, is Drew still going to those swingers clubs after the handcuff incident?” then remember we were strangers and lapse into silence.  The third time it happened, we were the first in the dining room and just looked at the place settings ranged ominously round the table, then left and went to a local diner.

Wednesday October 21

We left Niagara yesterday morning to drive to the Catskills.  On our last night we went to the one casino on the American side, which looked rather down at heel from the outside.  Once inside we found that it was even shabbier, full of overweight old men with walking frames and long-faced crinkly women, chain-smoking as they played the slots.  Everyone looked miserable and most people were either ancient, ugly or both.  It was quite dispiriting. Damn you Canada for having all the good places.  On the plus side, I won $10 on the 25c slots (this should give you a good indication of my attitude to risk), then lost it all in ten heady minutes.

Today we hiked for a bit near Windham.  We chose a fairly easy five-mile walk so we could admire the fall colors.  The only thing of note that happened was that I nearly stepped on an interesting looking snake that was sunning itself on a rock.  (The picture is above.)  I bet it was poisonous as the ones that aren’t don’t have such pretty markings.  Also saw some antique graffiti near the site of one of the grand hotels that used to be dotted all around the place.  The stuff from the 1800s was very neatly done, with precisely carved letters and full names given.  The contemporary stuff was just as crappy as it is everywhere, scrawled on untidily, all nicknames and ‘jezzy luvs brandy.’  My grumpy old great-uncle is right, the country really has gone to the dogs since his day. 

Mind you, I’m sick of old people at the moment. We were in a bar last night when the ads came on, and the ‘TV ordinary’ people suddenly seemed strikingly attractive when normally I think they’re a little on the heavy side, or notice that they have lopsided faces.  I put this down to having spent a few days vacationing mid-week, when only overweight, wonky-faced pensioners are around.  I am now longing to see some young, attractive people who I can resent.

Tuesday October 20

This week we’re on vacation!  It’s a road trip taking in Niagara Falls, the Catskills, and then New Hampshire.  We set off on Sunday, driving for about seven hours.  (It would have been less but Steve kept making me use his iphone to locate the nearest Starbucks and then insisting on driving miles out of our way to go to it for coffee.  I wouldn’t mind but after all that he now thinks McDonald’s coffee is better.)  Niagara itself was a complete surprise.  The American side is quiet and sleepy, and a bit downmarket, with lots of slow moving pensioners in anoraks, and dubious looking motels. The tacky overlord of Niagara, towering above the waterfall itself, is actually Canada.  It’s fine hotels and sparkly casinos are visible from US soil, taunting us with their bright lights and chain restaurants.  (We couldn’t cross over because we can’t leave the country until our visa renewal is over.)  The falls themselves are surprising.  I knew they would be impressive, but I didn’t think they’d be quite that powerful, or that you’d be able to get so close to them.  You can stand just feet away.  If you were a bit reckless you could even jump over the fence and stick your hand in (although you’d probably never be seen again, or at least get very wet.) The US have made their side a national park, unlike commerce-crazy Canada (shame on you), so you can stroll around getting lightly sprayed and admiring the fast moving water and the roar of the cascades.  It reminded me of those dreams you sometimes have, of huge, overwhelming tidal waves threatening to pull you in while you try and outrun them (usually while naked and on the way to an exam, but perhaps that’s just me.)  Nightmarish is never a word I want to associate with a vacation (and I’ve been to New Zealand – quick tip, prepare to be bored and cold) but that’s what Niagara Falls reminded me of – a terrifying nightmare in which you foresee your own death.  After we’d admired the falls both at night and during the day, we went to Fort Niagara for a bit of history.  Very interesting place, about 300 years old.  The top floor above the historic army quarters was a huge loft space with lovely old wooden beams, so we spent a happy half hour planning how we’d convert it to an apartment should we be able to transplant it to Manhattan, and calculating the square footage.